Friday, 8 August 2014

Ground Control to Major Tom

Its going to be a quick pit stop today, as it has been a crazy week. I've been wearing more hats than, than.....someone who wears lots of hats!

But fear not my little Elflings for I bring you offerings of edible sunshine on this eve of weekends.

I came home yesterday after a hard days toil to find nothing but tumbleweed in the cupboards and a rather emaciated pantry. My tummy was rumbling and I began to fear the worst. I'd probably be found in the morning lying on the kitchen floor clasping a crispbread to my chest. In the middle of my drama I had an epiphany and remembered that there was actually food in the garden.

I rushed barefoot out across the crispy fried lawn and fell to my knees in front of rows of tomato plants festooned with clusters of delicious rubescent baubles. Raising my arms aloft to the skies, I gave thanks to Gaia (and to Hercules for watering and weeding) for I would be but a withering waif if I had not been granted such gracious gifts. Oh what a tomatoey (!) feast we had.

In fact the tomatoes are pretty much all that is left this year. The blessed slugs and snails have been having a field day this summer, storming through the garden, decimating every luscious edible leaf I had planted. Rows of Courgettes, pumpkins, marrows and lettuces disappeared overnight, even radish tops were chomped and scalped.

So I rolled up my sleeves and stepped up my game. I bought beer by the barrel load and set up booze traps all over the garden. I even sent Hercules out in his Batman pyjamas to do night sentry duties, checking under each and every leaf.

We seem to have reduced the mollusc populous to a minimal and with my Buddhist neighbour Katie, also on duty (who eradicates all her snails betwixt two bricks, whilst chanting that they return to the earth in the form of something less gooey), we seem to have it under control.

Look at that a whole post from nothing more than a bowl of toms.

As you were Elflings.


  1. Tomatoes straight from the vine - sheer heaven - mine are only just turning from green. Roast tomato soup anyone or tomato and red pepper flan? - yummy. Katie has such a novel mode of eradicating snails!

  2. You made my morning.
    Love your writing Paul. xxx

  3. Yum!
    And the smell of tomato leaf - one of my favourites!
    Hope you have a lovely weekend,
    Liz x

  4. The joys of an edible garden which we don't have! And those tomatoes must have tasted divine :)

  5. Hello Paul

    The vision of you on the kitchen floor with a clutched cracker had me worried for a second. Then the feast to rival that of the wedding feast at Cana restored my heartbeat. Have a great weekend

    Helen xx

  6. There is nothing better than a tomato straight from the garden! They deserve a post of their own!!

  7. Those really are such pretty tomatoes - and yes, even though I'm in the USA I've never changed the way I pronounce them - always will main tomAAAAAtoes never tomatoes!

    Paul - you are hilarious - I so wish I could have seen all that in realtime!

    Happy weekend - hope you get out to a great cafe for a more balanced meal!
    Hugs - Mary

  8. I can just imagine Hercules in his Batman pajamas tip toeing round your garden on snail duty.

  9. Poor Hercules, he has to do night sentry duties in his Batman pyjamas. Those tomatoes looks delicious. Happy Sunday!

  10. Glad to hear you have it under control now Paul. If it stays this way during the coming months you have a pest free garden next year. Hurray!

    Because of the slugs, pigeons and now parakeets, I gave up on vegetables all together. I only have cucumbers and tomatoes in the greenhouse. Flowers are much more fun. So far no pests :-)

    Enjoy your tomatoes!

    Madelief x

  11. Paul, you are hilarious. I know the tumbleweeds in the pantry situation!! I too have made much with my tomatoes this summer, though nothing much has come to cucumbers, peppers and beans due to the heat. I'm grateful at least tomatoes will survive global warming. They are the prizes of the summer garden. Yours are so lovely. I did some heirlooms this summer for the first time and wow. Highly recommend trying. I think you owe Hercules for his Pj runs!! x Kim

  12. I love your writing and of course tomatoes from the vine are one one of life's simple pleasures! This post brought a smile, thanks! We use the beer for slugs and it always works.

  13. Oh, your tomatoes are heavenly indeed. We are having a very cool summer and everything is...well nothing much, it has also been dry and we've been neglectful so I would like to invite Hercules to spend next Summer here with us!

  14. Dear Paul,
    the inimitable scent of garden tomatoes, ripened in sunshine - wonderful! Simple abundance - what does a heart want more? (Well, a little salt, pepper, aceto balsamico, please, and good olive oil - trickle, lick. mmmhh)

  15. You are killing me! LOL :) I didn't have time to plant tomatoes this year so please send me some. Thank you! xo